Explanations, excuses, apologies and regrets are matched by an excess
of optimism, positivity, blurry visions of the future and complete and
utter rubbish as we come out of the closet and onto the
wibberly wobberly web. (Illustrated)

Suddenly Seattle became famous for more than Frasier Crane as the future
came out onto the streets. That's what we say, anyway.

Docker De'Ath, the health expert who puts to question both the
word 'health' and the word 'expert', makes his first appearance with
some advice for computer users. Needless to say, he manages to
bring the subject of masturbation into the picture. But that's the
Docker for you.

Written in 1998 but still relevant (only the numbers have got bigger), in
our original lead story we look at the high level of dope smoking in the UK
and what it could mean to a Government strapped for funds.

Yes, your opportunity to compare our original vision of this web site
with the real thing. Are we as full of crap as we claim to be? Your chance
to decide.

Holy rollers, one and all, as the New Age saints gather in Amsterdam for
a pre-millennium convocation that no one notices. (Illustrated)

If coffeeshops that sell cannabis seems an outrageous idea, maybe you
haven't encountered Amsterdam's booming smart shops where they sell
mushrooms that feed the mind rather than the body. How do they
get away with it?

They call it 'tripping' because you can go to places that are a long way
from where you're used to being. But don't get lost. Assuming our
'responsible citizen' alterego we offer some advice for traveller in
inner space.

Space cadets line up here. What for? For some really bad jokes, that's what!

Eeekk!! Shock horror! Could of the USSA (and that isn't a spelling error)
have it in for the world's smokers?

Oh, dear. And here we are thinking that the coffeeshop society has
got a tag on a higher level of morality. And all the time one of its
leading lights is demonstrating that it simply ain't true. (Illustrated)

In contrast to the mardi grass atmosphere of the Cannabis Cup, the
Haarlem show represented something of a coup de grass. (Sorry about all
these awful puns.)

At last the truth about smoking dope. And from one of the UK's most
respected publications. As we all know, dope is not going to ruin your
life (whereas prison might) and it might even improve it. And how sensible
to draw on the Amsterdam model as a viable social template.

As we introduce our regular growing column, we promise that we will be
leading you up the garden path. But only to the discreet area behind the
garden shed.

It's amateurs' night out as we look in depth at what has happened and
is happening within the dope smoking scene in the UK. It used to be all
cheap hash and dodgy homegrown but then we discovered Amsterdam. (Illustrated)

Do we need to say that it is just a bit different from most other
anti-drugs policies?

The diary columnist whose lungs have been claimed by medical science
before he's even dead. In a bizarre tour de force, old lead lungs has some
words to say about the judging the Cannabis Cup, spermatozoa, hip
replacements, the strangest guide to Amsterdam and business ethics.

When the Eggman, William Haig, said that dope smoking had ruined the
lives of many of his contemporaries at Oxford it is doubtful that he
was talking through the normal orifice. Times columnist, Maryann Seighart,
one of those contemporaries, identifies exactly which orifice. (Illustrated)

More 'I scream' than ice cream as we take you through the goodies we've
got lined up for future issues. Saints, sinners, jesters and dung beetles,
they are all here making their colourful contributions to this great culture
of which we are all a part. (Illustrated)

Even we have admit that there are dangers associated with drug use but probably less than crossing the road. It would, however, be irresponsible of us to encourage you to cross the road unless it was necessary.

We didn't know when we wrote it and we don't know now. All we can tell
you is that it resembles a Cheech and Chong movie. Cutting through the
cavalcade of explanations, excuses and lies that masquerade as our
editorial policy, we try to tell you and us what's been happenin'.

People come up with the most bizarre and outrageous ideas that have
no basis in fact (whatever that is) and get them believed because they
were 'channelled' (or made up as they went along). Coffeehouse Culture,
however, has come up with a bizarre and outrageous idea that it can
substantiate

The physiology of consciousness. Wow! It sounds like more of an antidote
to consciousness but don't doze off yet, you may learn something so
boring you will wish you had.

What is a Cannabis Cup story doing in such company? But, as they say,
'if the cup fits . . . .'

Just because Coffeehouse Culture is published out of Amsterdam it
doesn't mean it has anything to say to the Dutch.

It could almost be a description of Coffeehouse Culture. Oops, it is.
Yes, another piece of onanistic self-promotion. It was going to be one
of our front page stories but somehow ended up at the back.

Increased consciousness and the archetypal image of dope smokers as
Duh! people are somewhat at odds, don't you think?

Look we did our best, honest. We really, really tried but when the
big bird has got you in its talons and is flying ever higher there are
very few options.

Before Coffeehouse Culture was a twinkle in our loins we could see
that something special was happening in Amsterdam. Then on one visit
we had a series of magical encounters that brought the whole thing
into some kind of focus. This long article was written on a wave of
inspiration immediately we got back. And out of it was born the whole
Coffeehouse Culture concept.

As he makes his introductions, the not so good Docker throws his
stethoscope over his shoulder, tucks his prescription pad safely in his
inside pocket (for later use) and heads into the bushes. But he's only
looking for herbs.

It's only another trailers column, this time for stories we'll be featuring in
the Inner Light section, but what a bonanza of rogues, charlatans, card
sharps and saints. From Nostramdamus to Simon the Magus, from quantum
physics to UFOs, from Here to Eternity and back. If we can only come up
with the stories we feature here, Coffeehouse Culture might one day be
worth reading. (Illustrated)

Scaling mountains, fording icy rivers, swinging from the thongs of his native
bearers over bottomless chasms, Mr Bliss is the Indiana Jones of
Consciousness. And, amazingly, he is writing for Coffeehouse Culture.
Bringing his vast knowledge of eastern religions, western esoterica and
spirituality generally to bear, he will be a trusty guide as we negotiate the
(holy) cowpats on the path of life.

The 19th Keeper of the Sacred White Buffalo Calf Pipe of Peace, Chief Arvol Looking Horse, makes a poignant plea for peace warns that the world must respect the planet or we are doomed.

It's up, up and away with our physically-challenged diary columnist as he
brings you the low-down from the up-there. As he surfs the ether
heading towards the real Twilight Zone, he has an encounter with Mr Bliss,
a Jonathan Livingstone Segal moment and explores the Library of Babylon.

In the first of a major three part examination of the ancient Vedic culture
of consciousness, Mr Bliss explores the sacred power of yagyas. Following
in the footsteps of swamis, sadhus and sannyasins, we are initiated into
the ancient rites and rituals of the Brahmins and we experience the
sweet taste of Soma. (Illustrated)